A couple of months after my divorce, my mother asked me who my vehicle insurer was. I just looked at her blankly. I didn't have automobile insurance, I hadn't got an MOT on my vehicle - I later on realised I didn't have home insurance either. None of it had actually crossed my mind. I was extremely fortunate absolutely nothing failed.

At the age of 57 I hadn't paid a household bill or had any manage on my financial resources given that I had actually married nearly 30 years previously. Now separated, I didn't have a hint where to begin.

Rob and I married on my 30th birthday - I wished to get married before I turned 30. We had 4 children - my stepson and 3 kids of our own. All of that time, Rob handled our money and I didn't question it.

I simply put my incomes in our shared account which was that.

I kick myself now for being silly and ignorant. But my dad had actually taken care of my mum and Rob took care of me. It felt like a sort of security internet for me.

I had a full-on task in the travel market, then establishing a complementary health centre and as a yoga instructor - and to be sincere the family financial resources never interested me.

Balancing the books: When Fenella Lindsell was wed, household finances never interested her

Occasionally I would ask him: 'How are our financial resources?' but it would typically be late during the night and he 'd respond: 'Why are you talking about this now?'. I 'd say even if I was a bit worried, however then I 'd wake up the next morning and not think of it once again.

We never defaulted on payments and weren't having anybody knocking on the door. But he was not constantly completely reliable - that could be extremely difficult.

My earliest son certainly had a little bit of a chequered education since we kept lacking money and so we had to move him to other schools. But he's done fine - they're all OK.

Then throughout Covid we were in lockdowns and could not be out and about doing our thing. And if relationships are currently not working as they should, they become a lot more fractious and difficult in those conditions. It harmed a lot and right after we separated.

Once our finances were divided I had to learn to do things for myself. I didn't even know what that meant. I've always been ineffective at mathematics - when I took a seat to do my maths O-Level, I strolled into the exam, wrote my name at the top of the page, drew a triangle and went out due to the fact that I didn't know it or wish to do it.

So I was horrified at the idea of sorting my finances.

Around that time at a yoga retreat in Greece, I was speaking with a lovely fellow and confided in him that I actually missed my papa since he would have understood how to help me. And he told me about his financial advisor, Louisa, who was proficient at discussing and talking you through things.

So I built up the nerve to see her. And to my surprise I immediately felt safe with her - I might notice that she knew how to talk with individuals like me who are a bit rudderless and ineffective on finances. Strangely, the important things I was most terrified of was feeling like a fool. It makes you feel so susceptible.

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She helped me to set up an Isa and discussed that I need to move my allowance of ₤ 20,000 from my cost savings into my Isa every year to secure it from tax.

Louisa likewise assisted me track down a pension that was begun for me when I was working for a hotel group at age 27. You do not think of them at the time, however even little amounts can be worth something meaningful years later on if they have actually been invested.

She talked me through how danger works and exercised how to invest my pension in such a way that implies it is growing however does not keep me up at night stressing over it.

My confidence has actually grown and I know how to read the regular declarations I'm sent about my pension. I try to find the balance and how much it has grown - by 14 per cent last year - however I likewise know that in some cases it can fall and not to panic about it.

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I likewise understand how to get help when I require it - I 'd rather stab myself than do my income tax return, but although my accounting professional does it I know how to inspect my cash circulation - my incomings and outgoings.

Now that I've got my ducks in a row - I understand who my insurance coverage is with, where my mortgage is for my home in south London, how my pension is growing - I feel a lot lighter. I still would rather play tennis than look at spreadsheets, but I now understand how to do it.

I 'd recommend anyone who leaves the financial resources to their partner to share the responsibility - I wish I had. You never ever understand what is around the corner - divorce or even worse.

My mom was also left in the exact same position as me when my daddy passed away, because he constantly looked after their financial resources and she had not learned how to do it. Ensure your savings account and investments remain in both of your names so that you both receive the declarations and see what you have.

Even if there are household costs that your spouse pays, make sure you understand what they are so you would understand what to do if you needed to take control of the duty.

When you're married to somebody you share bringing up your kids, you share cooking, you share your bed, you share your life - you must share your finances. I think it belongs to your dedication to one another.

So share the load, have an open mind and be prepared to find out. Even if your husband or other half is proficient at managing the cash, don't feel daunted to ask: should not this be a shared responsibility?